Hmm...Life is a curious thing. I'm finally contented with myself and my lack of a love life, when suddenly I want a boyfriend again and my mom wants me to lose weight. I can't handle it. I was happy not having a boyfriend, I didn't need one. I didn't have time for one. Now, I'm noticing guys again and really wanting someone to be there. I need a shoulder to cry on and someone to stop me from stressing myself out. Why am I so fickle?!

I'm so stressed out with school and dance and everything else I have to do that I'm losing my head. Apparently I told a big secret that I was supposed to keep about a friend at dance, and I don't think she's talking to me, but I don't remember doing it. The worst part is that its more than just her that is mad at me for it, and I honestly can't remember for the life of me doing what I did. I don't remember what I say or do anymore, life is a blur.

Worst of all, maybe, I'm having physical problems as well. All of my joints ache every night and my back and neck hurt all the time. Sometimes, I bend over slightly and I can't breathe. I think it's circulation and possibly arthritis, my mom thinks it's my weight. She told me that I couldn't go on pointe shoes next year unless I lost some weight, I almost cried. She tells me I shouldn't eat so much and has made me feel like the only way to make her happy is to be anorexic.

I hate my life, but I guess, since I don't get another one, that I have to listen to enough music, watch enough stand-up, and dance my heart out to keep me alive.